I’m excited to share with you the powerful insights of my friend and business coach, Grant Porteous.
As one of the few executive coaches in this part of the country certified in David Bayer’s Mindset Methodology, Grant combines his 18-year background in behavioral health with the most advanced personal development system in the world to help successful, mission-driven men and women create the life and legacy of their dreams.
As one of Grant’s clients, the practical tools and proven strategies I’ve learned from him have helped me improve my business and my personal life…to truly present the best version of myself.
Three Things to Remember When Life Isn’t Going ‘My Way’ by Grant Porteous
The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe. – Albert Einstein
During times like the current coronavirus event, it’s easy to feel like “something bad” is happening.
This sends many people into a fear-based state of mind, where fight, flight, freeze, or faint take over. This is the primal, sympathetic part of your nervous system. Yet even during times when you feel afraid or anxious, you still have the powerful para-sympathetic part of your nervous system available where creativity, rest, and highly intelligent thinking originate.
And wouldn’t it be amazing, when we find ourselves in a primal state, to move back into a powerful state? “Yes,” you might ask, “but aren’t those functions essentially automatic? How can I control thoughts and feelings that seem to be spinning outside my control?”
While you cannot control what happens around you, you can change what you believe.
And, by changing what you believe, you can take charge of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors…and the outcomes they produce in your life.
Beyond learning to shift from a primal state back into a powerful state, there are certain truisms that can help you take a deep breath, find the gratitude in what’s happening, and step away from fear, worry, and anxiety. However, you must be willing to consider another possibility – that something else might be true – despite what it looks like in the moment.
The following three truisms are derived from David Bayer’s Transformational Mindset Methodology and are powerful aids in helping the people I work with regain balance, peace, and control – in their lives, relationships, and businesses.
1. “Life is always working for you.”
This is easy to say when things are going the way we prefer. But, how about when they’re not?
One of my mentors, David Bayer, tells of a client who called him to announce she’d just been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. How, she challenged him, was life working for her now?
He encouraged her to trust that, regardless of appearances, life was still working for her. Unconvinced, two weeks later she called back, excited to report she’d seen the blessing! For years, she said, she’d been so committed to working that she’d missed “all the magic moments” with her adolescent daughter. She hadn’t really been there for her. The illness, she told him, allowed her to see that. Then and there she decided to never miss one more of those moments. And, since that realization, she’d already begun to see changes in their relationship. “No matter how much time I may have left,” she told him, “I’ll never miss another one of those moments, and I will always be available to my daughter first.” The illness was a thing she did not prefer, but with new eyes, she saw what was truly important, and made a powerful, life-changing decision.
2. “The Four Blessings of Failure.”
In every so-called ‘failure,’ there are always at least one of four blessings that – if we are willing to receive it – will help us along in ways that nothing else could.
• Blessing One: there is something we needed to learn. And, without the difficult experience, we might otherwise have missed the learning.
• Blessing Two: we get space for reflection. The speed of life can cause us to keep missing what may become obvious in the slow-down that often follows a “failure.”
• Blessing Three: there is a redirection – in how we operate, what we think, or the actions we take – and if we had not experienced the ‘failure’ or ‘problem’ then we may have missed the course correction.
• Blessing Four: there is a set-up in our “failures” which, in hindsight, we see is exactly what was required to position us for our greatest growth and expansion. And, without the ‘problem’ we may have missed the set-up for the next amazing thing in our lives.
3. “The only problem is the meaning you decide to give something.”
We’re taught to view some things as problems, or bad, while we deem other things blessings, or good. As an observation, good things tend to align with what we prefer, and ‘bad’ things with what we don’t prefer. It’s also worth mentioning that what I call a blessing may be someone else’s burden.
But, if you allow the first two distinctions then you may begin to see that circumstances, situations, and events in your life that you don’t prefer are only “problems,” “failures,” or “bad,” because you decided to give them that meaning.
Do you believe that life is always working for you?
Does it sometimes seem like it works for others, but not for you?
If you look back through your life, can you see evidence of one or more of the four blessings of failure? Which blessing might you notice most?
How often, when things happen that you don’t prefer, do you label those things as problems, failures, or bad? If it’s possible that in every ‘failure’ there’s a blessing, and that life is always working for us, are you willing to consider the possibility that something else might be true?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.