My first big opportunity in the auto business came in the summer of 1986 when my father, determined to avoid the nepotism so prevalent in family-owned businesses, purchased a tiny Ford dealership in Honor, Michigan, and commissioned my brother and me to run it by ourselves.
We were thrilled at the prospect of being among the youngest dealership owner/operators in the country. And since it was so small–we opened with seven employees–we personally connected with virtually every customer who walked through our doors, getting to know many of them like family over the years.
I recall one local couple in their early 60s who purchased a new Ford pickup to haul their newly acquired travel trailer. The husband, having worked in a blue-collar job all his life, would tell us how much he was looking forward to retirement.
“The last few years have been miserable,” he said, “but when I retire and never have to work another day in my life, then I’ll finally be happy.”
But within four years after his retirement party, the happiness that this hard-working man so looked forward to never came: he died of a heart attack.
The Illusion of Happiness
Stories like this are all too common; they illuminate a critical perspective of people who live well. Happiness is never a destination. The problem is, we’ve been taught our entire lives that it is–that if you work hard then you will be successful and only then, once you achieve some milestone in your life like getting married, becoming a partner in your firm, or, in my customer’s case, retiring from your job, will you be happy.
In his revealing book, The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor shares some fascinating findings on the relationship between happiness and accomplishment:
“… New research in psychology and neuroscience shows that it works the other way around: We become more successful when we are happier and more positive. For example, doctors put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis show almost three times more intelligence and creativity than doctors in a neutral state, and they make accurate diagnoses 19% faster. Optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56%. Students primed to feel happy before taking math achievement tests far outperform their neutral peers. It turns out that our brains are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative or even neutral, but when they are positive.”
Years ago, a friend forwarded an email featuring the writing of Reverand Crystal Boyd of Happiness is a Journey. I think I’ve shared this profound treatise on living proactively with hundreds of people:
“We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.
Then we’re frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We’ll certainly be happy when they’re out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?”
I think the reason this advice resonates so strongly with people is that it’s so intuitively true; at some point in our lives, we’ve all succumbed to this line of thinking.
Here’s the BIG IDEA: As we embrace the changes brought by the summer season, remember that the road to success doesn’t culminate in happiness…it begins with it.
What compromises are you making in the pursuit of maximizing your happiness?
What would it mean to the quality of your life if your sense of well-being wasn’t connected to any future outcome or circumstance, but to the joy of the journey?
I’d love to hear your feedback.
Very well said! I believe its more of a choice than anything. If you’re happy, you’ve choose to be. If not, why let that one thing determine your happiness? (Promotions, kids of the house, etc.)
It’s good to have goals. Our goals should not determine our happiness. Preparing for the future is so important, I think many of us forget to live in “right-now” moment.
Social media today has an effect on this too. People never share their failures or struggles. In my opinion, we should not be comparing our lives to others. Everyone has their own set of values & goals to maximize their own happiness.
Great stuff Bill; I’m going to add “The Happiness Advantage” and “Happiness Is A Journey” to my Books to Buy List.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Joe! Another more recent and excellent book is “From Strength to Strength” by Arthur Brooks, a Christian who teaches the science of happiness at Harvard. I just started it.
Bill
Good stuff! Well articulated.
Thanks Whitey. Hope your summer is going well. I thought of you guys in the wake of the horrific flooding in Bucks County. That’s real close to your home.
Bill
Thank You
I am reading a book called “Happy is the new Healthy.” Amazing book. Right in line with what you just wrote. It is a book I can not put down. Thank you for the chat and meeting you on the last day of the Cherry Festival at the Leadership breakfast. Amazing job you did. Thank you.
Thank you for reading my post and sharing your kind feedback, Candy. I’m going to check out the book you mentioned as well!
Bill
It is a page turner. I can not put it down. Love it.
I was blessed with Scoliosis in my teen years. Yes, blessed, it has shaped my life in multiple ways. I had surgery at Shriners Hospital in Chicago to stabilize it at 18. There was a 8 or 9 boy there from Guatemala at the same time. He had a disease that weakened his bones. During birth he had more than 250 breaks in bones. Some bones were broken in multiple places. His arms looked like he had 3 elbows. Through all of this Pete would light up a room. He was always smiling and laughing. I knew at that point that I would never in my life have a bad day when compared to every day for Pete. I sometimes think, If Pete could smile I can smile. This was the smaller blessing of Scoliosis. The larger blessing is health. I knew that I needed a strong core to have any kind of normal life. I left the hospital 18 years old and weighed 82. I began working out and never stopped. I left the hospital 2 weeks before my first semester of college. I had to schedule 1 hour on two hours off, so I could lay down to relax with my plastic turtle shell brace on. At 59 now I still workout every day so I am able to ski moguls like a 20 year old. I am sure if I ever stop, I will quickly be in pain. Happiness is created with attitude.